Into the flow I go....

life is moving along at the green house. my mom lives with us now. lynn has been fully engaged with school. i spend my days with the girls, desperately missing my husband. time with him has become a precious commodity, something i prize above all other things. he has this weekend off, before starting a new semester. and he is doing quite well! i am very proud. but i constantly yearn for more time with him. for one more hug. one more kiss.

having mom here is nice. i no longer have to worry about her well being in a less-than-livable place. she has a bed now, as well as her own room, things she didn't have were she was living before. i get to see her and emma form a relationship, which is something that has been missing the last 2 and a half years. and she has a place to rest her body, so it can heal. it also softens the burden of having my husband gone all of the time.

emma has adopted a pattern of less-than-desirable behavior, something that we are working VERY hard at stopping in its tracks. she gets extremely frustrated, screams and refuses to cooperate. i think she might be upset at dad not being here as much, as he is her best playmate. she also has a lot of irrational fears, another thing we are working on healing. she is doing very well at her school work. she has almost mastered her letter sounds, and is starting to read small words. she can write anything if you tell her how to spell it. she can do addition and subtraction of numbers 1 through 20. she loves to paint. she will paint on a canvas for hours, if i let her. she gets frustrated at having the daycare girls here all the time, and frequently expresses her desire to just spend time with mommy and daddy. it must be hard having your space and your things invaded like that day in and day out. my heart aches to give her that space. but i remind myself that having them here is what allows me to stay home with her. otherwise, i would be going to work everyday and she would be going to daycare. so of the two options, this one is best. with dad being gone so much, she has become quite attached to mommy. she wants me to lay in bed with her every night until she falls asleep. she wants my arm around her and her feet on top of my legs, so that she can feel if i get out of the bed. from what i hear, this is exactly how her daddy was when he was little, which is very sweet.

i guess that is all! tootles.

Posted in: on 09 October 2009 at at 11:59 AM 0 comments  

Posted in: on 06 September 2009 at at 1:15 AM 0 comments  

storytelling is a frequent bedtime occurrence here at the green house. tonight my three year old daughter told me the following story.

"once upon a time there was a baby dinosaur. he was hiding down in a small cave. when he came out of the cave, he saw a big dinosaur eating leaves. his mommy wasn't there, so he went looking for her. he saw another big dinosaur, and he ran up to it and said "are you my mommy?". "no". the baby saw another big dinosaur. the baby ran up to it and said "are you my mommy?" "no". the baby saw another dinosaur. "are you my mommy?" and it was! the baby was so excited, he ran up to her and gave her a really big hug. (hugging me to demonstrate this really big hug). then the baby and the mommy went to look for the daddy dinosaur. they saw a big dinosaur. the baby ran up to it and said "are you my daddy?" and it was! the baby and the mommy hugged the daddy in a big family hug and everyone was so happy to be together again.

the end. that is all of the story."

so cute!

Posted in: on 25 July 2009 at at 10:03 PM 0 comments  

my daughter just loves going to her grandmom's church. she loves the toys, the kids, the coloring and crafts, the snack, all of it. she is always excited about going. the only problem is that my husband and i both do not feel comfortable with many things that church teaches. so we have been dropping her off for children's church, leaving, and then picking her up afterwards.



something just didn't feel right about that. but i continued, because she was just so happy going. then my mom made a comment that emma was growing up in that church, and it made me realize we were starting a practice that might be hard to break later. i also realized that many of the things we don't like about that church might stick to my daughter, and while i am all about letting emma choose what she wants to believe about god, i also think i should do my best to be responsible about how we go about that. and dropping her off, leaving to get coffee, and picking her back up just didn't seem very responsible. i started to think it would be much better for her if we could make it a family experience.



so this weekend we visited a new church. one that seemed to be in line with everything both lynn and i believe. everything we would like to pass down to our daughter. it is a unitarian universalist church. everything i read on the website sounded wonderful. they celebrate diversity in beliefs, and welcome the study of many different world religions. people are welcome believe whatever they want to believe, and to not be judged for it. the doctrine is love. they believe in being compassionate towards others, peace, and trying to make the world a better place. they believe in equal rights for all people, including gay rights, which is huge for a church. and the church has been around for hundreds of years, and past members include famous folks such as Thoreau, Ralph Waldo Emerson, T. S. Eliot, Thomas Jefferson, Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, and Christopher Reeves, among many others.



it all sounded good. so we thought we'd give it a shot.



we walk in, and were warmly greeted by members. the three of us sat down, waited, and listened. they told a children's story, and then emma was whisked off to the preschool room. they had a guest speaker this week. his message was surprisingly wonderful. he talked about the show sesame street, and the effect the show has had over the years on creating interracial awareness. i had really never thought of the show in that way. but yes, it does show people of all colors and abilities interacting, sharing, and being friends. he related it to how we teach these things to our children, how to teach them to be open minded to all people and to all beliefs. my favorite thing that he said was that our children are not to be indoctrinated and told what to think, we are to help them learn how to think for themselves and come up with their own ideas about life and god. i love that the people at this church don't believe that they have all the answers! i love the plurality of it. the space for differing beliefs to exist peacefully in the same place. and for the plurality to actually be celebrated! what a beautiful thing.

the hymnal contained christian, jewish, buddhist, hindu, pagan, among other readings.

i saw gay people, a gay white couple with 2 adopted black children, and i used the restroom after a transgendered woman. it was so refreshing to see these people accepted and respected as they are. that is the true definition of love. that is god.

if only the rest of the world could be so accepting.

i am pleased to know that it does exist in our world. and i am pleased to become a part of such a community.

Posted in: on 05 July 2009 at at 7:09 PM 0 comments  

The past month or so has been quiet stressful at the Green house. I wont go into specifics, but it has been an out-of-the-flow kind of month. When my husband lost his job a couple of weeks ago, at first I thought I was going to snap. I was so angry at him for being so careless! But something inside of me chose a different path, a path of compassion. Out of this whole jobless mess came something quite unexpected and surprisingly beautiful. We turned the negative mess into a wonderful opportunity for growth, and have embarked on a spiritual journey together. I'll explain more below.

My husband and I have always had very similar views about religion and god. It is in fact one of the things that connected us from the very beginning. We see the universe through the same eyes, although at times we do use different terminology. My husband has always been willing to talk about his thoughts and feelings regarding this issue, but has been extremely resistant to any kind of spiritual exploration or growth. He had basically shut the whole lot out, satisfied with his own beliefs and wanting no further understandings. I think this neglect caused his spirit to become restless, and almost die in a sense. Nothing was going right, he was angry all the time, and life was full of fear and unhappiness. When he lost his job, he realized that ignoring the spiritual side of himself wasn't working. He felt empty inside, and for the first time in our 5 years of marriage, he became open and willing to work on cultivating his own spiritual path.

The day he lost his job, he picked up an old book of mine and began to read. It was "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. It is a book based in Buddhism, but can be beneficial to people of all backgrounds. Anyways, he decided that the spiritual path that felt most right to him at this time was Buddhism. It also felt good to me as well, so we went to the book store together and both picked one new book on Buddhism to read. We began reading in bed together, taking time to discuss and share with each other the passages we liked the most. We've frequently in the last 2 weeks come to each other with ideas and have had discussions on how to apply what we are reading into our everyday life. And last night, I read a great portion of my book out loud to him, and we both shared our thoughts on what we read. It felt great. It feels great to be having
this spiritual experience with my husband, to see his anger disappearing, and to see his internal peace and compassion for others grow.

My peace and compassion for others is growing as well. And it is a wonderful thing.

There are a lot of misconceptions about Buddhism, especially, as I have noticed, from the Christian point of view. It is not so much a religion as it is a practice, and you can in fact retain your Christianity while practicing Buddhism. Buddhism is a practice of quieting the mind and of training the mind to not be attached to things or outcomes. It is a practice of cultivating compassion for other people and things. It is not the worshiping of Buddha, as so many people think. It is about finding a peaceful place within and dwelling within that place as you live day to day life. Buddha may have started this way of thinking, but he is in no way a god, any more than you and me are. (Although I believe we are all god, but that is a discussion for another time).

We don't need to fear other religions. There is the seed of love, peace, and compassion within every single one of them, and they all have the potential to cultivate goodness within people. People are all so different. Some people need a different approach to the divine, and that is ok. It is ok to be different. It is ok to accept and to respect people different from you. If you look at things from their perspective, you see that we are really all wanting the same things. And if a religion or spiritual practice makes that person more loving and compassionate towards mankind, how can that religion or spiritual practice be bad? There are seeds of goodness scattered all over the world, not just within one book. The key is to have respect for all paths of goodness and light, wherever they may be found. I have for a long time used the analogy that life is like a mountain, with Love, Peace, Contentment, and Compassion at the top. There are as many pathways to the top as there are people trying to reach it, and as long as you are reaching for the top, it doesn't matter which path you choose.

Posted in: on 03 June 2009 at at 12:55 PM 0 comments  

I'm dreaming of a time when worry has past, and we are able to enjoy every moment of life. Where job is not a word, where money flows abundantly, and where our days are filled with choice instead of requirement. I dream of the freedom to be and do as we please, the freedom to lounge, the freedom to adventure and explore. I dream of quality time every day, where you and me and pone can be. I dream of sunshine, tall trees, ocean water, and butterflies. I dream of kind words bouncing off our tongues, harsh words a thing of the past. I dream of you and me, being you and me, and nothing but love in the air.

Posted in: on 18 April 2009 at at 8:45 PM 0 comments  

My mom has had a terrible time the past 10 or so years. Her body seems to be failing her in every possible way. She is losing her hearing; she has constant attacks of vertigo that make it impossible to drive or ride in a car; she has pinched nerves up and down her spine, along with other spine and back problems; she just had a massive lung cancer taken out, along with part of her lung; she has breast problems, sinus problems, constant headaches. I see her suffering, and it breaks my heart into a million pieces. She has seen so many different doctors, and no one can seem to figure out what is causing all of this. Something is going on.

I have read and heard stories of miracles happening, wonderfully amazing medical miracles. People with stage 4 cancer miraculously healing into wellness. People learning to walk again, after being told they it would be impossible. Babies surviving against all odds. One story that sticks out in my mind was told by a lady that came to my church to speak back in 2002. Her daughter was born with extreme physical disabilities. She couldn't move any part of her body, and was essentially helpless. She was practically brain dead. When the child was 2, the mother began to pray for the first time in her life. She began to see the child as this perfect bright light, rather than seeing her diseased body. Then one day, the child picked up her spoon and fed herself. She had previously not been able to move AT ALL, and didn't respond much to stimulus, so this was a miraculous event. This child healed at a fast pace, and by first grade, was caught up with her peers. She ended up becoming the governor of Texas!

I believe in the power of love. I believe anyone can heal from anything. The human spirit is stronger than all obstacles. It is a matter of aligning the ailing body with the feeling of wellness and wholeness, which is incredibly hard when you are in a state of feeling bad. Is is so hard. But it is possible. To heal, the body has to align with the pure state of wholeness that the spirit rests in eternally. Always flowing to and through every spirit is a river of life, love, and wholeness. It is readily available to all people. It is a matter of feeling it, believing in it, and trusting it, when you are seeing everything but it in your life experience. It is an incredibly hard task. But it is possible. It's a matter of letting go of everything that your life experience is currently showing you, and KNOWING that it is a lie. KNOWING that you are pure, positive energy of love, and that the illness you are seeing is an illusion. Yes, it is a real life experience, but it is not who you really are. It is a matter of knowing who you really are and believing in only that.

While this is what I believe, I can say with certainty that it is probably the hardest thing to actually realize. When you feel sick, it is almost impossible to see and feel the spiritual goodness that you really are. You feel pain, you feel worry, you feel the deepest kind of fear. I fail at it every single time I get sick. Most people do. But I do believe that it is possible. With God, anything is possible. If we could only in those moments remember the God Creatures we are. God is larger than any sickness. And you are God.

My hope and prayer for my mom is that she can feel within her the intense love and light radiating from her eternal spirit, that she can feel this love take over her body and pervade every single cell of her body. I pray that this light encompass her body with healing regeneration, and that this blinding light renew her cells and align her body with the wellness and wholeness that is GOD. I pray that this light casts away all worry and fear, and that great healing can take place. I pray that her body become new, and that the power and love of God take over her body and begin to function in complete perfection and wholeness. I pray that she finds just the right doctors to help her find the right treatments to help her body heal like it needs to. I pray that her struggle subsides, and that flow and ease become her experience.

God is all powerful. Miracles are real.

This is my wish for her.

Posted in: on 14 April 2009 at at 9:59 AM 0 comments